The Journey of Divorce ~ Road Map 

 

The disruption and chaos of divorce can prompt many disquieting questions for most people:

• Who am I, now that I am not a "wife" or "husband"?
• Who might I be? Who do I want to be?
• What can I learn? 
• What has my life been about?  What do I want?
• What do I want to teach and model for my children?
• What can I create for myself, and for my life, through this experience?

  
  

And so the Journey of Divorce begins with a decision.  A decision to walk the road of divorce with purpose and intention.  A decision to live in these questions, and be open to the answers the journey might yield.  A decision to have the experience of divorce serve me, teach me, expand me.  A decision to explore who I want to be in this experience, and who I want to become, using the journey of divorce as my learning ground. 

Once that decision is made, we then prepare for the Journey, for the work ahead.  We "get our bearings and gather supplies".   We work on clarifying a purpose.  What will I use this experience in behalf of? What do I want to create for myself, for my children, and for my life, through this experience? And we gather around us our Anchors, those people and practices that keep us sane and grounded during the crazy times.

Once we have our bearings, we are ready to travel the road with purpose.  We are ready to begin the work.   There is the Grieving Journey, in which we grieve the losses of the marriage, learn to feel and let go of the pain.  We also develop some tools for identifying when our grieving is healthy or when it has become unproductive.

Next is the Learning Journey, looking honestly and fearlessly at the lessons to be had in this experience. How did I co-create the dynamic in my marriage? What do I do with all this anger?  How can I build a new relationship with my ex so that we can co-parent our children in harmony?  What can I learn about myself that can expand and deepen who I am?

Once we have begun to uncover the lessons of the experience and take responsibility for our part in it, we are ready for the Healing Journey, finding peace and compassion by forgiving ourselves and our ex, and acknowledging the gifts of the marriage.

The final leg of the Journey is Coming Home, which is really coming home to myself -- integrating my newly gained insights and learnings into the person I always have been, now a little wiser and more at home in my skin.  We explore speaking our voice authentically and honestly, in partnership with others.   We learn to fall in love with ourselves, embracing our faults and mistakes and owning our beauty and wisdom, learning to be our own best friend.  Having traveled a path rich with insights, pain and joy, unexpected gifts, and ultimately, peace and wisdom, we arrive home again, home to the loving, compassionate, joyous human beings that we are all meant to be.